word vomit

I really have wanted to blog about how I've been feeling but, truthfully, I don't know that I have completely digested everything. This past friday I spent my afternoon at the doctors for my post operative appointment instead of listening to our babies heart beat for the first time. I cried a little that day.

Actually, I cry a little everyday. Well, maybe not every day but it seems like alot. Many of my friends are expecting babies in this upcoming year and it's been challenging to keep a smile on my face. The hardships of this experience are far from over. On top of the miscarriage I also had to have a D and C. The procedure itself wasn't bad, just meant more bleeding and a horrible anesthesia headache. Because of this experience I missed a bunch of work, which led to a verbal warning for too many absences! Of course my work understands the situation but they have to follow procedures. Despite their understanding, I am still having a hard time swallowing that last one. And now the bills are rolling in, yet another reminder. All of this is salt in a very open wound.

Over these last few days I feel like the past is starting to be put behind us. I get asked alot if Daniel and I are going to try for another baby any time soon. I don't have a good answer but we know that when it is time, we will be ready. Some days I am angry, some days I feel annoyed, or sad, or confused. The good news is, with each passing day I feel better and better. Thank you every one for your love and support. It's meant the word to me and Daniel. We know that Papa Bill and my grandpa are looking after our angel baby.

- The Opfels