Motherhood is such a funny thing. One day you feel like the Michael Jordan of mothers. You've conquered, for that day, the job that so often leaves a woman scratching her head asking, "how the hell did that just happen?" Some days you master the perfect funny faces, you smell the stink diaper across the room, you've cooked the chicken nuggets ever so splendidly, you've become the dream mom. You've become the mom you read about in the parenting books that have the best read lives... or do they?
Anyway, today is not a Michael Jordan sort of day... it's not even a Shaq kind of day... it's more like, humm... bench of the HS basketball team sort of day. These days are equally as important as the good days and for this reason I am airing my dirty laundry for you to read and judge (and maybe understand) the life of a mother. The real life. I think all mothers have these days. You know, the one they don't REALLY talk about in the parenting books for fear they may be reported to CPS. And if you haven't found yourself meeting face-to-face with this day, just know it is around the corner and you will wish it hadn't come as much as the next mom. What am I talking about? Let me tell you...
Today started like any other day. We woke up around 7 this morning and dad had already made breakfast. Eggs, bacon, and sliced banana. An Opfel favorite. Rushton eats a few bites (he eats better than most kids) and then feeds the dogs by throwing the rest of the food on the floor. Breathe, I tell myself. Dad left for school and we watch backyardigans while getting ready for the day and picking up our breakfast mess. We load up into the car around 9. And I really mean "load up" as you turn into a sack of potatoes when you realize we are no longer going outside to play but rather to get in the car to run errands. Target is a success. With your own bag of popcorn you willingly walk the isles with mama telling her all sorts of interesting things. "mama, baby" (points at picture of baby). "Ma, poopoo" (points at baby again)... we discuss how babies and poopoo are not the same.---> tender moments like these get me through the rest of our afternoon.
After Target I take my well behaved baby to the park. I ask you, "do you want to swing?"... and you sweetly reply, "I do." And we swing. We laugh. I am Michael Jordan. It's getting late so mom tells you we have to go home, time to say bye-bye to the park. Insert melt down #1. You are now screaming at the top of your lungs at the park. You will not walk. In fact, in lieu of walking you are kicking the earth and head butting the ground. I embarrassingly scoop you up and take you to the car while you are repeatedly head butting me in the face. You are now in the car seat and I am taking 10seconds outside the car before I get in. You cry most the drive home. I can physically feel my blood pressure rising... one point... two points...dare I say 20points? Probably not too far from the truth. We finally get home.
You happily get out of your seat when you see our dog in the window (who has broken our blinds... lovely). Wait, you are screaming and crying again. I'm confused? What happened? It can't be... no... Break down #2? Why yes it is. You have hit your head on the car door and have run away in anger. I chase you to try and "fix" your booboo but you are no fool. You know mom telling you "it's okay," in fact, does not make things okay. Smart child. You start throwing your body back, screaming, I can feel the neighbors peering out their windows. You head butt me in the face again. This time I am mad. I LIGHTLY swat your butt and tell you no more. You crumble in the door way into our house. I step around you to put the bags in the house and swoop you up again.
And that's when it happened. I almost didn't get it at first. I don't know how long you were there doing it but I can tell you it took about 5 WHOLE seconds for me to react. YOU WERE BITING ME! For the first time ever your little rabbit teeth were clenching the inner portion of my upper arm. I was stunned. I think our eyes may have locked and we may have been in a Texas wild west show down at that very moment. I screamed, you weren't letting go. I pinch your cheeks and finally you release. Now what happens next happened whether I chose to tell you or not. I am not proud. But these are the very real moments of motherhood that we tend to skimp over when gushing to our newly pregnant friend about how MARVELOUS being a mother is. I spanked my sons butt... pretty hard. I did it before I even had time to think. I spanked him and carried him to his crib and shut the door. I was fuming. He was crying. It was horrible. Horrible. I felt awful for what I had done. He is a kid and I know better. He was reacting and so was I; neither of us were right. I quickly opened the door again, he stood up and put his arms around me. We both cried. I said I was sorry and kissed him at least 50times. He never let go of me. Not once. I made him a bottle and rocked him in my arms. I think both our eyes and hearts softened. So this is motherhood?
This is motherhood. Sometimes it's messy. We often don't know what we are doing. The days we are Michael Jordan are awesome but I think it's how we react on our HS basketball team day's that define us... as a woman... as a mother. We all make snap judgements, bad decisions, but we own up to our behaviors, we say we are sorry, and we hope to be better tomorrow. Rushton and I are both NOT HURT. My ego is a little bruised... and my arm has a nice little trophy on it but we'll both survive. I hope this story has made you realize that motherhood is not all dress up, trips to park, quiet happy babies that sleep on time and eat all their vegetables. As long as you have love, forgiveness, and understanding in your heart- you will always be the Michael Jordan to your little guy. At least, that's what I am telling myself to get through the rest of today. Now for a bath and a little peace and quiet.
-Laura
Oh, and here is a picture of the bite. Why? Because despite how horribly it hurts, it is kind of cool...
4 comments:
Laura, thanks for sharing. I would have to say, I would have or may have done the same thing....reacted the same way. Foregiveness is devine, thank goodness our boys won't even remember this day!!! Your a great mother and Rushton and your husband know that too!!! Keep it real, there will be more days like that...it's like you said, "real life stuff." :)
Not going to lie, I got teary while reading this. Not only because I am a big ball of hormones ALL THE TIME, but because I can relate. I vividly remember what I like to call "my worst mother of the year moment" and when I recall upon this memory I feel the same horrible feeling I felt after I had reacted to her reaction. But, I, too owned up to it, apologized, hugged her tightly, and kissed her a million times while sobbing.
Being a mom is hard. Especially hard when you're not only a mom but also 10 other things. It's a balancing act and you must be doing a good job because you're boy is happy and healthy!
Thank you for sharing, it's nice to hear that other mother's go through the same things!
I too teared up and thought damn it I wish I lived closer to you. I love you dear sister in law. I remember lots of days like this...and let me tell you, you will miss them. Its funny because I really needed to read this today. I forgot you had a blog, and stumbled onto it today. I had my day planned out, all the kids were in school, and Preston was gone hunting with the two little boys when all the sudden Preston shows up at the door with the two little boys and says they are getting sick...here ya go, and off he goes hunting again. I won't lie, I thought about my day that I normally get all to myself to recharge and work out, and shop alone. I was grumpy, real grumpy, but then I got on the computer and I was trying to lose myself in FACEBOOK or shopping whichever would grab my attention first, and I stumbled onto your blog, and I read this post and thought ok I am going to make the best out of this day even though it isn't what I planned. I can't say it enough girly, how much I love you, and so thankful that you found Daniel. hugs from Alaska!
You are a great mother MJ xxoo
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